Our play at AZ traditions was made possible by Phil Lolmaugh and his son Andrew who is the local pro. Andrew hooked up with Ed, end of story. If you're ever there at AZ-T, just lie and say you're a friend of Phils and get a deal on the fee or something.

Lots of winners last Saturday, but these folks won some loot:
A – Flight: Jeff Davis / Dave Prothe - 57
B – Flight: John Vaita / Joe Garrish - 55
C – Flight: Marc Postovit / Paul Thomforde - 59

Closest to the pin: Kwamie Lassiter, Gary Stretz, Phil Lolmaugh, SOD, sorry I lost the cards.

Closest to the line: Ramona Vaita

Longest Drive:
- Women, Barb Fitzpatrick 285 yds
- Men, John Vaita 310 yds.

Side Action: Chris Kuhar and Phil Lolmaugh

Chris and Phil didn't want to play in the side action but Ben and Harley kept calling them the "P" word. The name calling must have ticked them off because they kicked big butt on the side action and almost won the A-Flight. Lesson learned children, just because somebody looks and acts like a “P” word, doesn't mean that they can't still kick your butt.

Apache Creek, April 16th

19th Hole:

Annual Partee players were taking it easy and left early due to the long drive home. Also following the club's number one rule of “going home after every tournament and have wild sex with your loved one for a minimum of four hours” was on every ones mind.

Barb Fitzpatrick was angry at Ed for giving her the wrong last name of Fitzgerald. Then she got pissed at Ben because she was closest to the pin on one hole, but somebody else got paid. Ed apologized and promised that Sol will get it right on the next tournament.

Note: Fellow golfers, you can only win one consolation prize on closest to the pin, closest line, and longest drive. For example, if you have the longest drive and hit four holes in one, you will only get paid for one. This rule was applied four years ago when one of our players, a scratch golfer (Mike Thompkins) would win the longest drive and/or at least two or three closest to the pin contests.

The 19th hole moved quickly to Marc Neill's backyard when GranMa Loretta Braun cooked and hosted a delicious meal. She'll be going back to Oregon before the summer heat arrives. GranMa was a little late to her going away party. When asked why she was late, she said she was late because she was obeying the club's number one rule. David Hicks politely pointed out that the number one rule has to be a minimum of four hours, but GranMa says her boyfriend gets the senior citizen rate of 15 minutes. President Ed was not sure about the senior rate on the #1 rule.

Our tournament on May 21st is in Casa Grande at the Francisco Grande Resort. Great golf course and this will probably be one of the longest courses you'll ever play. Many of our players will be spending Friday and Saturday night at the resort. The resort has all the amenities like pool, hot tub, fitness center, dinner and dancing, and they do have an excellent restaurant and a great chef. I will try to set up a group rate for the Annual Partee Club to stay at the resort. Please email Sol if you are interested in spending the night in Casa Grande. I would like to get an idea on the numbers to communicate to the resort. Many of the players I talked to are bringing their families and are looking to having a great time.

Thank You and God Bless……Ed.

Sam Owen is on vacation in the South Pacific. Fortunately Ms Shorty Lisp who is also qualified to answer your emails and questions is available and up to the task. Your questions will be addressed to Dear Ms Lisp.

Letters to Ms Shorty Lisp

Dear Ms Lisp,
Why does Ed always use “Top Dawgs and Ladies” in his emails to the club? I'm a lady player and I want to be treated and get the same special status as the Top Dawgs.
Signed, Lady Player

Dear Lady,
Ed can't say Top Dawgs and Alpha Bitches in his address to the club. If you ladies want to be called a special name in Ed's email, please let us know. How about Top Dawgs and Pussy Cats or Kitty Cats? Top Dawgs is a trademark. Ed has always used it to address the men, not just his golf buddies and Ladies for the women.

Dear Curious,
Shorty Lisp is my professional name. Besides giving professional advice to golfers, I am also a stripper by trade. Short and Lisp is the reaction I get when men see me naked.

Dear Ms Lisp,
I hope you're better and more sensitive than that stupid Sam Owen. He doesn't know a damn thing about golf and about people. His writing sucks and he needs to retire. By the way, where are you working at on your other job?
Signed, So Long Sam

Dear Neil,
I'm not working at the Dental Floss Bootie anymore I'm currently working at a biker club called the Fur-Loin Mamas on McDowell. It's a classy joint and you would like it better than the DFB. I agree with you that Sam is ready for retirement, but you all need to write Ed to make that decision.

Dear Ms Lisp,
I cuss on occasion when I hit a bad shot and every once in a while I throw a club in anger. But that is the nature of golf, you hit a good shot, then you hit a bad shot. Is it so bad to be angry every once in a while when you hit a bad shot?
Signed, Golfer

Dear Phil,
All golfers should be able to cuss and throw a club or two on occasion. Golfers should not keep all that frustration bottled up, they have to let it out. When you let out your frustrations, it shows that you are sensitive, caring, and willing to listen as well as discuss serious matters with an open mind. Continue to cuss and throw as many clubs as you want. The other players are just jealous and wish they could do the same as you and become more sensitive and caring.

Note to President ED: Dear Ed, the Annual Partee and its newsletter need to change. For starters, this is not an annual it's a monthly, so instead of calling it The Annual, it should be called The Period. This was suggested before by Barb Cogswell and I agree with her…Signed, Shorty.