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April 21st, 2007
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Results at Apache Creek
A couple of couples won at Apache Creek. Harold and Kay Kraver won the A-Flight with an excellent score of 64 and Sol and Ramona Vaita won the C-Flight with a decent score of 58. Yes, yes my fellow golfers bring the wife out, partner up and play golf together. It's fun filled and all kinds of cool stuff, and I better stop there so that I can report the rest of the story before I throw up. Sol Vaita and Andy Christie won the B-Flight with a score of 61. You may wonder how Sol can win two flights. Well, Andy's partner didn't show so Andy picked Sol as his partner and Sol paid into the prize fund to be Andy's partner. Could Andy have picked somebody else to be his partner? The answer is yes, but in this case, he picked the coolest dude and won.
Dennis Richards slammed a longest drive of 320 yards to win the men's longest drive and Kay Kraver hit an outstanding 80 yards to win the women's. The other ladies women were pissed because they had much bigger drives, but ladies, it's not how big, it has to be straight.
Paul Bealor had a nice closest to the pin shot on the island par 3, about two feet from the pin and missed the birdie. Per Paul, I felt like a stud and Conrad and the others in my group knew I was better than them.
Korry Gantt also had a nice closest to the pin, about two inches from the hole, almost a hole-in-one. Dennis Richards also won a closest to the pin, but it was at least twenty feet away, not a big deal.
Dan Fouts had a table setup to sign autographs, but most of the players didn't know that Arizona had a professional football team.
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Next Tournament
May 19th – Ocotillo Golf Club 1:00 PM Shotgun Start. Ed Anderson got an excellent deal to play this top-of-the-line course, 40 bucks.
19th Hole
Hal Nurka complained that it was Bob Kohl who was hitting all the trees at Francisco Grande, not him. Sorry Hal, but you are guilty by association and we don't have to witness the trees being hit. We just have to hear it, and lo and behold there you are. Maybe Bob was hiding behind tree.
Most of our players were at the Phoenix International Race watching the races. Dennis Richards was asked why he wasn't at the race, he said, I got better things to do than watching a bunch of cars go round and round. Rumor has it that PIR fans have mastered the art of watching the race by just letting their heads go round and round exorcist style. Love is in the air? Paul Cerda just got married, PJ Rodriguez just had a baby, and Panfilo bought a Harley.
Tim O'pry and Debbie Williams won last place at Apache Creek. Weird since they won big time at Francisco Grande last month. Timmy and Debbie used to dominate the last place when they first started playing as a team nine years ago.
As promised, Ben did a study of what was then Apache Creek which was a run-off from the Salt River. The creek was called Ari, native word for naked, and Zona, native word for ladies who bathed at the water. Arizona then, means Naked Ladies. The men were added to the mix and that's where we got the word Ahwa, native word for more, and Tukee. So Ahwatukee means more
Tukee.
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April 21st, 2007
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A Word from President - Denny Andrew
My bratha golfers. I accept your nomination for President. When you see me next time, call me Mr. President. Denny is no longer acceptable. Golf is a cool game, and I'm cool, you're cool, and everybody's cool. What I'm about to say is very impotent. Stay cool, and be cool to each other. Obey all rules. That's all. Thank You.
More Stuff
I was hoping the pres would have more to say so I don't have to fill up the rest of this page. So we'll fill it with important information such as a profile of our newly elected president.
Profile of the President
He stands 6 feet tall and looks like Neil Herslow. Some would say that they might be brothers, the jury is still out and Ben is doing some investigating. The next newsletter will publish Ben's investigation. What else, let me see, oh yeah he's cool.
Stan Shaw
President Denny assigned Ed and Sol to check on Stan's condition and report back to the club. Report: Ed and Sol took Stan to breakfast. He looked great very healthy and he's working out at the gym on a regular basis. Stan appreciated our gift of an AnnualPartee shirt and the cash collected from the members that played at Francisco Grande. Per Stan, Please Thank everybody at the club for the wonderful gifts and for thinking of him.
Letters to Sam Owen:
Dear Sam,
What happened to Mz. Shorty Lisp, we haven't seen or heard from her in a while. She has a great sense of humor and we miss her.
Signed, Secret Admirer
Dear Secret,
Shorty got a job writing for the Hokimokipoki which is the Hawaiian golf club's newsletter. She writes a little slow, but it works because those guys don't read too fast. Karen took her place and she writes just as slow.
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Dear Sam,
Since Denny became president, the club members don't seem to be obeying the club's number one rule. Why just this past tournament my husband came home and says he needs to take a nap first before he can do anything. Then when he woke up he went bowling.
Signed, Mad As Hell
Dear Sam,
I reminded my boyfriend about the club's number one rule after your last tournament and he said that the rule is for married people and to leave him alone. I kept bugging him and explained the rule, so he said ok, did it for 5 minutes, then he went to sleep. Signed, Golf Hater
Dear Club Members,
I have received many such letters as the ones printed above. This is a reminder to all of you, that the club's number one rule is thus: All players MUST to go home and have wild sex with their loved one for four hours after every tournament. Failure to do so gets you kicked out of the club. The rule is for everybody that has a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, and/or wife. Many a player was kicked out of the club for not obeying the number one rule. In his first year as leader, President Denny volunteers to come to your house and demonstrate the club's number one rule so you can do it right the next time.
Dear Sam,
As president, I am not going to tolerate anybody breaking the clubs number one rule.
The rule was implemented by my predessor, and for eleven years now and in my estimation we are the happiest and healthiest club in the world. Having wild sex with the one you love is a damn good rule and I will kick anybody out of the club that disobeys this rule. I want a report on my desk of names of those who don't comply, and I will take care of the situation. As a matter of fact, give me the names of the ladies that are not getting the benefit from the rule. I will volunteer go over there and show them what they're missing.
Signed – Mad Bull
Dear Mr. President,
We can't reveal our sources, but I'll get some names for you by next newsletter.
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