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May 19th, 2007
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Ocotillo
The veteran team of Joe Ciccaglione and Tripp Brockoff dominated the A-flight with the winning score of 60. The President's team of Denny Andrew and Ed Anderson won B-flight and the Side-Action with an outstanding score of 54. Craig Schmidt and Justin Troilo won the C-flight with an ok score of 57.
Winner of the women's long drive contest is Kim Jones who had a nice drive of 280 yds and Joe Ciccaglione slammed a 340 yd drive to win the mens. Winners of the closest to the pin contests are Sam Galardo, Pat Bratton, Marc Cherwin, and Brett Hasse. Congratulations Winners.
Ocotillo had a lot of water to the detriment of some of our high handicap players and there were complaints. President Denny was informed of the water complaints. His answer, “you need balls to play golf.”
The cry for 'help' that was heard around the country. The AnnualPartee club signed a contract with the Ocotillo golf club for eighty (80) players. Tuesday, the week before the tournament only thirty (30) players had signed to play. Ed (in tears) sent a SOS to the friends of the AnnualPartee club. The friends like Marc Neil kicked into high gear and brought in the Westside Tad Loopies (20 players), Matt Neil brought in his construction crew, never mind that all eight of them have never played golf. Chad Hasse decided to have a Hasse family reunion at Ocotillo. Also in-da-house were David Hicks, Bill McCullough and the ATT network players, Jenny Tobin, Dennis Richards and a host of Honeywell players, IBM and Charles -Schwab players also showed in numbers.
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Mike Schmidt brought his dad in to show support, Kim Jones flew in from Hollywood, and Karen Behrens brought in the Hawaiian club. In two days (Thursday) we had a total of eighty (86) players. Larry Centers in Dallas had to be told to hold off in bringing in out of state players as we had over a hundred (100) player committed to play. Per ex-President Ed (in tears again, what a crybaby), sob, sob, I feel the love. Thank You, thank you and God Bless us everyone.
President Denny was informed that we made our number said, “good job.”
Next Tournament
The next Annual Partee tournament is at the Legacy on Saturday, June 23rd, 07:30 shotgun start. Lunch Included.
19th Hole
Chris Kabat was yelling DQ to Ray Patlen and Todd Doty who couldn't find their scorecard. Todd blamed Ray for losing the card as Ray was the driver, and Ray blamed Todd who was the scorekeeper and supposedly was the last person who had the card. Chris and many club members were ticked as it was getting late, and they had to rush home to perform the club's number rule of having wild sex with your loved one for 4 hours. Chris finally rallied the club to vote to disqualify Ray and Todd.
Jim Nibali dug deep in his bag to help a couple of young players who lost their balls.
Dee Thompson played an excellent controlled game, but this is a team event and her teammate (Ben) sucked big time.
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May 19th, 2007
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A Word from President - Denny Andrew
Folks, I'm concerned about rumors and complaints that some of our members sneaked in only an hour or two of wild sex and not four as the rule stated. Also, some players have been known to lose their scorecard on purporse to delay going home to do the nasty. We will be keeping a close eye, well a close ear out for any complaints this year and You will be kicked out of the club for not following the number one rule.
I want to thank my staff of Debbie Williams, Jenny Tobin, Tim O'pry and Jim Nibali for a excellent job making it look easy every tournament day.
To the Westside Tad Loopies, Welcome to the AnnualPartee. I know you're disappointed that golf courses won't announce your other choice for a club name of “The Fore Skins,” but hey, you are Number One in my book.
Don't miss our next tournament at the Legacy. We're expecting eighty (80) players. Be there. To all the newbies that played at Ocotillo. You are officially a member of the AnnualPartee Club by just playing in one tournament.
Thank You, President Denny
Letters to Sam Owen:
Dear Sam,
Why do you say in the number one rule to have wild sex for four hours instead of making love for four hours? I totally agree that dinner, dance, and flowers is the total ambience in love making and it can take up to four hours. Please explain the difference. Signed, Curious
Dear Lazybum,
It's implied that you already treat your partner lovingly, to take her out to dinner, dance, and make love and all the lovey dovey stuff. The number one rule recognizes the fact that in playing golf, you have taken five or more hours of valuable time away from your loved one. To make up for the lost time, the number one rule says to go home and have wild sex for four hours to make up for loss time. We stress the importance of the four hour mark because if you still have it hard after four hours, please consult your physician.
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Dear Sam,
I thought you're supposed to rush home and have wild sex for four hours. Yet, I see many of the veteran players loafing around the 19th hole and drinking long after prizes have been awarded and many have rushed home to obey the rule. What gives? Signed, Rookie
Dear Rookie,
The rookies do rush home, sneak in there, and it's done and over with in four hours. The veteran players take their time, go home and have wild sex all night.
Dear Sam,
Me and my husband both play in the tournaments. How does the number one rule apply to us? Signed Quartro or Sinko
Dear Mr. Quatro,
As a couple you're not really spending time away from each other. But to promote golf and to bring couples closer together, the number one rule says: For couples that play in the tournaments. Each must have wild sex for two hours. That means when he's done his two, then you get your turn for two. If you are single, we encourage you to find somebody for the purpose of practice. Also, President Denny approves having wild sex with yourself for four hours. He said that he tried it and its works.
Dear Sam,
An old Annual Newsletter misprinted the definition of the word Ahwahtukee. I read in the Arizona Republic that Ahwahtukee is an Indian word that means dream home. Not “more tukee” as in your article. I would like to know how you arrived at your definition for the word Awahtukee. Signed, No tukee here
Dear Tukee,
Ben who is part Italian and part Injun is of the Awopahoe tribe and he is our residence expert on Injun lore. Per Ben, the Pima word “ahwah” means “more”, and “tukee” universally is the same in all languages. A tepee is an Indian home, so a dream home makes no sense since they didn't have Home Owners Associations to tell them to dream on. You're perfectly welcome to go with the dream home definition, but we like more tukee.
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